Kids Today, I Tell Ya

Due Date +3

Okay, I give up. There's nothing more I can say. I've tried shame. I've tried guilt. I've tried sublte mockery. But nothing works. I don't know what else I can do to convince my son that it's time he come out and see the world.

Bribery?

No. Not yet. There will be plenty of time for me to get suckered into the whole thing where I promise outstanding gifts and presents in exchange for my son doing what I wish. But not today.

Today it's time for a man-to-man discussion. This will be the first one I ever have when I'm on the man- end rather than the -man end, so I'm breaking new ground here.

There are many things I'd like to tell my son before he comes into the world.

I'd tell him to enjoy each and every day of his life and to take in the world with wide eyes and a good sense of humor. That's the way I've lived my life, and I happen to think it's a good way to do it.

I'd tell him to be a giving and caring person, because no matter how tough you think you have it, there's someone out there who has it tougher than you do, and you should do your best to make that person's life just that much better. That's the way his mother has lived her life, and I know it's a good way to do it.

I'd also tell him to be careful what girls he kisses in the seventh grade, because you never know what ones you're going to end up married to.

But mostly I'd like to tell him of how the world will be a much better place once he makes his entrance.

Nah. Nevermind.

You know what, bribery's easier.

Son, if you come into the world tomorrow, then this is yours:

Yep. You can have the Corvair.

(Provided it's still running by the time you turn sixteen, of course.)